Okay, we will come clean. There is no Islamic terrorist threat and there are no Islamic terrorists. Islam is a peaceful religion of pastoral victims suffering for a thousand years from Christian Crusades and Western imperialism. Osama bin Laden does not really exist and the early videos of him after 9/11 are actually of the late comedian George Carlin in costume. Terrorism was invented at a secret White House meeting in early 2001 with Don Rumsfeld, Dick Cheney, John Ashcroft, Condi Rice and myself in attendence. We decided that an enemy had to be created as an excuse to invade Afghanistan and Iraq and make Halliburton stock owners rich. And I confess that I did and still do own shares of Halliburton. We also thought it would be a jim dandy way to spy on our fellow citizens, inconvenience airline travelers and imprison racial and religious minorities without trial at Guantanamo.

Yes, we brought down the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center with carefully planted explosive charges on each floor. Mohammed Atta and the other so-called 9/11 hijackers thought they had signed up for free flying lessons that would help them meet hot American chicks. Little did they know that the CIA controlled the airliners through remote control and a cabal of Jews and Neo-cons were all set to ruin their good reputations and brand them forever as terrorists. It was a great plan and we sure fooled everyone except for Michael Moore, Howard Dean and at least a third of all registered Democrats. It was all designed to make George W. Bush look like a decisive leader in a dangerous world, when in fact the world has never been more safe.

So, the next time you hear that the terror alert level has been raised, just relax and cast your next vote for a Democrat promising to close Guantanamo and repeal the Patriot Act. There is nothing to worry about. We can close Guantanamo. shut down all surveillance activities and open the borders tomorrow. Terrrorism was all something we made up to get George W. Bush re-elected, ensure tax cuts for the super rich and keep the public fearful of outsiders and change. We had Tom Ridge fooled until right before the 2004 election.

And a dangerous percentage of the American public already believe some or all of this parody. When a dullard like Tom Ridge is urged by his publisher to come up with some revelation that will sell a book that hardly anyone would otherwise read, this kind of thing is the result. So, I really don't need to assassinate his character. Apparently, he doesn't have any, and thank you, Sarah Palin, his name was never on a Republican Presidential ticket. Hopefully, it never will be.

The bottom line is that George W. Bush kept you safe for more than seven years when all the pundits and experts in late 2001 said that it could not be done. Let's see how successful Obama and company will be. My prediction is that their pre-9/11 mindset will eventually lead to catastrophe and when that happens they will do what they have always done in a crisis..... blame George Bush.